One takes two kilos of flour, 10 eggs, 3,75 liters of milk and 4,5 tsp. of baking powder and then proceeds to vigorously mix the ingredients until pain in the arm forces the stirrer to rest. After recovering continue stirring – if needed use the other arm – until the mixture is smooth of texture. Leave the concoction to rest for several minutes and use this opportunity to rest your tired arms also. If company permitting it is best to do this scarcely dressed as mixture sent flying around the room and the heavy stirring can cause mess and sweating.

When the preparer of the pancakes has sufficiently rested and dried up in close proximity to the airconditioning proceed to turn on the fire to a high level. The heat produced by the fire will instantly cause anyone nearby to turn into a trickling sweat-fountain. Add butter to the pan and bake pancakes. Flip pancakes carefully and avoid pan slippage due to sweaty hands. All the while, make sure not to emit sweat into the pan as salty pancakes don’t please the palet of any man. Also I would like to interject that any man that enjoys a piece of bacon or other such products on a pancake should be sent to the insane asylum.

Proceed to bake 40 pancakes of a medium size. Have a mop nearby to dry and sweep floor of sweat and mixture-spills. Nobody ever said pancakes were a clean affair.

Eat 10 pancakes for dinner and save the other 30 for the next day when they will be taken to 20 hungry children aged between four and seven. Explain to children how pancakes are created. Hand the children various sweet substances and demonstrate how to give the pancakes facial features such as eyes, ears, mouth and nose using a combination of the following: sugar syrup, strawberry jam, chocolate cream, blueberry cream and chunks of mandarin.

Convert the pancake into a roll and proceed to put it into the mouth. Now, instruct children to follow the above procedures and enjoy the spectacle.

One girl whose name shall remain unknown for privacy reasons put the tube of chocolate cream to her mouth and emptied its contents into it. Then as I told her not to do that she opened her mouth to protest and the chocolate – or what was called chocolate but had no semblance to the taste of it – dribbled all down her dress, chin, neck and hands. Another put the pancake to her mouth and had the chunks of chocolately mandarin fall into her lap.

In the end it was a battlefield of half-to-fully devoured corpses of pancakes. Sticky tables, hands and faces all around. Somehow I got jam or syrup into my shoe and for the rest of the day my feet and shoes sounded like unrolling a piece of tape.

But regardless, the pancakes were a huge success. Let’s hope they forget about them quickly and never want them again. Today, we’re taking twenty kids to the pizza restaurant Papa Johns and making pizza. Thankfully, we won’t need to clean that up.